DIARY ENTRY #4: ATONEMENT

Diannely Antigua

On the holiest of days, you go bad.

You show Jesus the nylons underneath your skirt

and sit on his lap at the computer chair.

He unzips his pants. He’s not

a virgin. He promises

not to hump you. He promises a soft little grip. So much

pain has happened to him. He almost

cut himself on purpose the other day,

but you’ve never held a knife to your wrists,

though you’ve thought about it once.

He tells you how he fasted

four years ago. He was concerned

with the ecosystems while the others

were blowing up stuff in a bonfire.

He doesn’t want to graduate this year. He

kisses your panties through the nylons.

He explains the heavens—

he tells you the name of each color before

it was named. You make

his problems yours.

He says there will be nails and a suicide.

He says you should be a music

plucked out of happiness. He says

if you write this down,

you put him in danger.

Diannely Antigua is a Dominican American poet and educator, born and raised in Massachusetts. She received her BA in English from the University of Massachusetts Lowell where she won the Jack Kerouac Creative Writing Scholarship. She is currently an MFA candidate at New York University, a Squaw Valley Community of Writers fellow, and Associate Poetry Editor for BOAAT. Her book Ugly Music, forthcoming from YesYes Books, was chosen for the 2017 Pamet River Prize. Winner of the Bodega Poetry Contest, her work has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net. Her poems can be found in Day One, Vinyl, Split Lip Magazine, Cosmonauts Avenue, Tinderbox Poetry Journal, and elsewhere. Her favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s is Chubby Hubby. Her heart is in Brooklyn.

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